do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
