What did we do last night that was yellow?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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