sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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