I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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