ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
