New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
