I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My dick has a subreddit
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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