i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
