I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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