just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
