I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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