I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
