By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
