u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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