maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
