Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
