Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
