hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
