I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
