how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
