The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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