recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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