me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
