This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
