question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
