if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
