I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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