my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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