some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
