sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
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Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
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I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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