Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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