walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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