Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
