Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
