Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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