I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
