I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
