It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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