don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
