after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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