I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
