my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
