3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
no you cant smoke seaweed
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
