the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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