I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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