Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
