I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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