Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
