Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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