remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
