I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We have so much sex to catch up on
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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