she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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