he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Randomize
