wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
