This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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