nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
