I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
