Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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