So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
