Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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