Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There r osticjed everywhere
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
