I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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