Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
