You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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