I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
