I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
