Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
