drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
