If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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