So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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