I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
