It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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