Don't make out with my wife yet
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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