she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I have post one night stand depression
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
