"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
